Should I or Shouldn’t I?

Okay…after all the posts here in my blog, this is an entirely different one. I don’t know how to categorize this or what to put on. Though I have friends who would listen to me, I haven’t shared this with any of them. Eventually they might read this or not. But, I guess letting numerous strangers read this..makes me feel something.. I have felt suicidal for sometime now. I really don’t know if I really have the guts to do it..but I have come so close countless amounts of time. Countless times that I’ve hurt myself, countless times that I’ve cut my hands…

Now, what’s really is the problem? Even I dunno myself. All I feel is that this constant nagging to die soon. This feeling has been taken over for around 10 days. Constant nagging! 😦 😥

People have always thought of me as the happy person with ambitions, dreams, responsibilities and wanderlust. They are so wrong. Though I’ve all those ambitions, dreams, responsibilities and wanderlust, I’m not being me anymore. How well do you really know your closest loved ones? Or friends? I know most of my friends will understand if I’m down. Even if I’m faking a smile, they will know. But WHO AM I now? WHAT have I BECOME NOW? Wondering!

I have cut myself…not to kill myself..not for attention. to feel pain. I wanted a pain I could control and once I did it..I felt strangely better. Funny huh? But it’s true. Once I am able to control the pain I’ve been going through, I felt strong and better.

I just feel lost and I really wanted to get this out. I know there are many other people struggling as well..I hope the best for all of you. For whoever read all of this..thank you..it means a lot to me.

Cheers to everyone out there!

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